You Can’t Lose Weight by Talking about It, You Have to Keep Your Mouth Shut! #PersonalStory

You Can’t Lose Weight by Talking about It, You Have to Keep Your Mouth Shut

As told by my “never-ending-fatty-guy” friend who loves to eat food and enrolled at famous fitness gym.

If you nod one chin and a couple more second the motion, you know it’s time to go on a diet. Unfortunately there’s nothing like a diet for improving your appetite. Nowadays though, there is no need to suffer alone because you can join a group and suffer with others. Organizations of weight watching thin people are out there ready and willing to help you fight the battle of the bulge. The first thing you have to learn is that goodies are the baddies.

Setting: Fitness Gym

At one meeting, an instructor held up an apple in one hand and a bar of the chocolate in the other. Tell me about this apple,” he said. “What are its good points in relation to our diet?” Hands were raised and answers like “low in calories,” “healthy” and “high in fiber” were offered. Then with a look of disdain he turned to the bar of chocolate and reeled off all its bad points. “Apples are not only far healthier,” he said, “they are less expensive. I paid 20 pesos for this one bar of chocolate.”
A plaintive voice echoed from the back of the room. “I’ll give you 50 pesos for it!”

At another meeting, one man was disappointed because he had only lost a few pounds in his first week. He told the others that a friend of his had boasted he’d lost ten. The instructor tried to encourage him by explaining that slow weight loss is likely to be more permanent.

“Is this friend of yours a doctor?” he asked.

“No.”

“A dietitian?”

“No,” the man mumbled. “I think he’s just a liar.”

Beware of cheating; you will usually be found out. While a man was attending a meeting of the Weight Watchers Club, someone broke into his car and stole a packet of biscuits and three bars of chocolate. Most of us only want to lose a few pounds or a stone or two at most. Consider the will power involved when these super slimmers’ decided enough was too much.

There are plenty of different diet books and internet offers on the market ranging from the obvious to the ludicrous. There’s the garlic diet, for instance, where you eat lots of garlic with everything: burgers, pizza, ice cream and even grilled chicken with unlimited rice – you don’t lose any weight but you look thinner from a distance. The pill diet, the 30-day diet is popular too – that’s the one people decide they’ll start…in 30 days.

Of course, there are a few hard and fast rules known to all regular dieters. For instance: (a) the calories in a bar of chocolate are cancelled out if taken with a diet drink; (b) if you eat something and no one sees you eating it, it has no calories; (c) when you eat with someone else the calories don’t count if they eat more than you do. Also, it’s a myth that the Heart Association has given out a diet that lets you eat hot dogs and ice cream and lose weight. A spokesman says this diet crops up every six months or so. They don’t know who starts it or why.

Salad is, of course, the mainstay of any diet and it’s a fact that it takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it in the first place. It’s just a pity that celery has all the flavor of polystyrene. At the end of the day it’s down to will power.

A friend decided that the way for him to stay fit and slim would be to take yoga lessons. He was determined to learn through self-discipline to stop overeating. When I asked if it was working, he happily replied, “Well I’ve gained five pounds but I’ve disciplined myself not to feel guilty about it.” There are a few alternatives to dieting; you could always place the fridge door handle two inches from the floor or solve your weight problem like never eating for a week or more.

And then, thankfully, there will always be people who accept the way they are. A fat man at a confectioner joked: “Inside of me, there’s a thin man trying to get out but I usually manage to subdue him with a couple of éclairs and a croissant. But, if you want to slim down and all this talk of dieting has made you feel hungry, remember those immortal words: “You can’t lose weight by talking about it. You have to keep your mouth shut!”

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Monster Under The Bed Story #PersonalStory

Monster Under The Bed Story

As told by my “macho friend” who has courage to turn upside-down the best fighter on our planet called Earth. He told me at:

7:00 am Sunday:

I woke up with a feeling of discomfort, knowing, that my bad dream last night bothered me a lot. I knew that somehow, dream isn’t real after all, especially bad dream. It’s my day-off today and I’ll be doing some planned household chores.
My wife kisses me goodbye and the two kids rushing to kiss goodbye too. She whispers in my ear teasing, ”We’ll be back soon and don’t forget your planned escapade”. I answered back, “Okay, enjoy the symposium and take good care of the kids.”

7:20 am:

It’s been 20 minutes past seven and I moved to start my first chore inside our room when suddenly, I heard an unusual sound coming from under our bed. I stopped for a while, not knowing what to do. The unusual sound continues that I ran to the door to open it, but it’s locked. I opened the window and I felt the cold breeze rushing under my skin. And, suddenly, I heard a thing crashing in the floor. I checked it and it’s the family portrait of my parents taken during my childhood days. The unusual sound continued, piercing my ears and as I stared at the picture, I remember my father, telling a story of the monster under the bed that stimulated my fear even stronger. I sat at the floor relishing my fear to subside. I asked myself. ”It’s a true story or not? The monster came back? Why there’s unusual sound under the bed?

7:45 am:

I composed myself thinking that I had to finish my chores before my wife’s back and to eliminate my fear. I pulled the comforter, bed sheet, pillows above our bed and slowly peeked under. Do you know what I saw? Again, I lay down in bed thinking my conclusion of the event.


8:10 am:

Really, I am 45 years old now, and children stories are not real. Amen.

8:20 am:

Therefore, my presumptions: That my wife locked the door with the intention to frightened me and storing the remote-controlled device under the bed. She knew that I am afraid (during my childhood days) the story of the monster under the bed. She switched-on the toy after leaving the house; and, the best of all with my conclusion: It means my wife intended me to sleep until they’re back! My wife truly loves me!

8:30 am:

Oppppppppppsssss! Before I forget, ahhhhhh, before I sleep again, today is my day! My wife needs me tonight! That’s a signal for sure! Who cares for the monster under the bed? Are you?

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Just Another Day of My Life as An OFW #PersonalStory

Just Another Day of My Life as An OFW In Dubai City


I complained to the personnel manager about the irregularities of the job procedures and the discrimination that loomed within the operations department that I was managing, but ironically, it was me, was branded as troublemaker. They couldn’t sack me officially because I hadn’t done anything wrong, but they made life as awful as they possibly could.

I couldn’t live with it all so I just left. I’d already been asked by another establishment if I wanted to transfer to act as an Operation Manager of a newly constructed food establishment. I’d decided I couldn’t go because of some personal reasons and government restrictions. But then I thought why not? I’ve nothing to lose. I went for another place which was just the break I needed, and I forgot all about my old job. The whole thing opened the door to other opportunities and I was able to think about what I really wanted. It changed my life for the better and I got out of the rut I was in.

My attitude is that if you have talent and you’re willing to have a go at different things, something like that doesn’t really matter. It’s only a few people’s subjective opinion of you, and others will think you’re great. You shouldn’t let it defeat you as long as you know you’ve done nothing wrong. And, if you’ve done something wrong and has been sacked, however, this is the time to admit it to yourself and do something about it in the future, whether it’s improving your job or life. But whether you deserved to be given the boot or not, you’ll still have the problem of explaining why looking for a job.

Unless you’re asked, don’t volunteer that you’ve been sacked. Gloss over it if you can. Say there were no prospects in the job – that’s true after all. Or, you can say you had to leave to find a job because there was no way of getting out for interviews. Avoid mentioning the bad things that will go against you. Some people feel duty-bound to confess all, but they shouldn’t. Concentrate on the positive things about yourself. It’s a blow to your self-esteem but you’ve got to look at the future and be positive.

It’s probably less of a blow to the ego when your department is made redundant and you’re not the only one who’s been picked out to go. It was easier because the whole line of business went, so whether I was good or bad never arose. But when you see your friends going to work in their suits, you still can’t believe that you’re not doing that job.

It really brings it home how fragile things are. Individuals are expendable. My motto now is “Be prepared.” I keep my management skills up and my living expenses down so if I was fired tomorrow I know I could live on what I could earn from my abilities. In today’s climate, you’ve got to be flexible. OFW job’s not permanent when you want the right thing for you to do. But if you’re a “yes-to-all –kind-of-person,” foreign employer will stick you at the bulletin board until retirement with further grave discrimination as a bonus.

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Summertime, Who Cares? #PersonalStory

Summertime, Who Cares?

As told by my “homebody-friend” who loved to stay indoors and promised not to spend his valuable time at the beach.

Summer time is difficult time. Sweat glands work overtime. Things get under the collar. The heat is unbearable. The dryness in the air is uncomfortable. And, the tendency to snap, with or without provocation, is only natural. That is the bad part.

But there is a good part to summer too – the silver lining to the “clouds” so to speak. And that is, there are many new and novel things one can do during this time. You only have to look around for options and watch out for opportunities.

You will find out that things are not as bad as they appear. In fact, while attempting to beat the heat, you may well be discovering a new persona in you and building up your self- image. And as it may well happen, you will not only enjoy the summer but even look forward to it next time.

Take to the water. The soaring mercury levels might have deprived you of the pleasures of jogging in the morning or walking in the evening or both. But never mind. There are other equally healthy diversions.

Swimming for example. Many clubs in your area offer, at about this time every year, discounts on memberships that entitle you, among other things, to a dip in the pool.

Or water sports. Try your hand at water surfing, ice skating or other water sports in your area. No matter if you have never worn that entire fancy outfit or handled all that fancy equipment. There is always a first time. And there are crash courses available that will put you on the right track fast enough.

Look around and learn. This is the time to update your professional skills. Try your hand on other computers lessons; photoshop, video making, blogging and internet browsing for other subjects you’re interested in. Or, join a language class – Chinese Mandarin, Arabic, French, German or English if you find there is need to brush up. Or how about music? There are good teachers in your area who provide private lessons for a moderate fee. There could be a hidden potential in you that may surprise even you. Guitat, Sitar, perhaps? Or piano…voice lessons?..or even plain old humming that could be honed, under the right guidance, to some singing skill that is truly professional.

In short, anything to experiment and to touch the limits of the unknown…even if it starts off with a limited purpose. It will not only drive the blues away but keep your disposition chirpy…even in humid days.

When you are on a voyage of self-discovery, you become charged and motivated. The beckoning goals become all consuming.

Who cares about the summer anyway?

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Please Forgive My Ignorance #PersonalStory

It's my day off that I went to Golden Fork, a Filipino Restaurant at Al Riqqa Street, Dubai City. I met my friend who joined me and we ordered Bulalo and bread. While waiting for our food, he told an amusing story, is it really amusing?

####

My experienced before the onset of this computer age. Right now, I can say that I am quite a bit awkward when I remembered those happy days, am I?

There comes a time in every man’s life when he has to accept the fact that he is just about as dumb as he looks. And there is no time when a person feels dumber than when he is shopping for PC.

I experienced this not-so-funny story of my life when computers were starting to engulfed the whole world including our place. And, here’s my story, long, long time ago.

To prove my point, and to earn the dubious distinction of being one of the last living human being to get on-line, I have spent quite a bit of time looking for a PC, which is, of course, the technical abbreviation for Pretty Confusing.

Computer shopping at that time can be confusing for one of two reasons: You do not understand computer technology and you really are an idiot. Unless you are a computer literate, which means you speak a language that in no way resembles English, it is virtually impossible to figure out what anything means. I offer as an example the following list of common computer terms, along with what most normal people think they mean.

1) Windows – those glass things on the sides of houses and buildings that you see outside.

2) Mouse – those creatures swarming our kitchen during the night.

3)Megabytes – huge mouthful of food

4)Power chips – those potatoes in fast food

That is why, when you are in a computer store and a member of the computer support staff is telling you all about a particular system and the hardware, and the accessories that is included, you will probably be standing there thinking, “This thing comes with a light generator or flashlight?” What you really need is a screwdriver – vodka, orange juice over ice – to help you get through this ordeal. In lieu of that I offer the following computer tips for dummies – people who do not know computer in today’s generation – which come with my personal guarantee: If you believe any of them, you are an even bigger dummy than I am.

1) Don’t try to hide your stupidity. The fact that you are totally ignorant about computers will be obvious approximately 1.5 seconds after you open your mouth. Instead, introduce yourself to a friendly computer salesperson and say; “I am a dummy.” Repeat this three times. Then prostrate yourself in front of him and beg for help. Otherwise, you may find yourself in a limbo.

2) Never refer to computer salespeople as nerds. Not only do they have feelings, but they are there to help you. And they can get terrible revenge for your insensitivity by hooking you up to a system that, with the right software, will blow your top the moment you log on.

3) If you do not buy a computer soon, you will die. That is because technology has advanced to the point where people cannot live without PC’s and it is a must.

4) When you finally buy a home computer, you should learn how to use it. The best way to do this is to go to Computer Dummy School. The store from which I am buying my wonderful new system, for example, offers a six-hour class for people who are just as stupid as I am. Or, find another person to teach you the basic of being a fool. And, of course, I’ll probably spend the whole time looking out the Windows, reminiscing “Oh that was long ago, I am crazy now.”

I smiled like Mona Lisa effect but deep inside I was laughing out loud (LOL). If you are reading right now, maybe, just maybe, you’re thinking that I’m using my home computer? You’re wrong! I’m using my sleek laptop with gadgets and accessories that I never imagined before.

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How to Survive When You're Sacked #PersonalStory

When my friend got sacked from his job, he approached me and we talked about it. While telling his "not-so-interested-story," I really had to show that I care, listening to him means a favor returned. His first sentence was:

"Getting the sack is far from being the end of the world." I felt guilty because I thought that he wanted to "throw the world" at me. But instead, continue reading.

Even if you don’t like your job very much, the last thing you want is to be sacked from it. Having the control over your destiny snatched away, finding yourself suddenly without an income, with no structure to the day and no friends in familiar surroundings, having to explain to future employers and the rest of the world why you weren’t wanted. It hurts and it’s messy.

The degree of hurt depends very much on your own resources and what you’ve got tied up in the job; someone whose sense of status is dependent on their position is going to take being sacked much harder than someone who derives their sense of worth from other, entirely separate things. And the person with a life-style (and debts) to go with the position is going to be more adversely affected than someone more flexible. But, however able you are to cope with the eventual outcome the moment the axe actually falls, even if you have been expecting it – always comes as a shock.

Even when in your heart of hearts you know it’s coming, you kid yourself for a while and think you must be paranoid. Even though, as I found out later, everyone knew when it finally happened it came like a bolt out of the blue. It was awful. I thought I was going in for a meeting to discuss some routine business and a few moments later I realized that business was me. It’s horrific to have to go through that.

Despite the shock I felt upset but somehow my instinct for self-preservation took over. I did felt damaged inside, but I used that time to work out what I wanted and managed to pull myself together. I went icy calm. I asked for an explanation, put my own case forward and maintained dignity throughout, which was good, it helped me think clearly. I said I should be paid off because I’d done valuable work. I knew work wasn’t the problem. This was politics. My new boss wanted his person in my place. I showed spirit and a sense of fairness, but I wanted compensation for what I’d been through.

I got the money right then – a very substantial amount. My superior just wrote a cheque. That sweetened things; it makes you realize you’re worth something. Really, it all went fairly decently and everyone involved was very pleasant about it. Employers want to be eased out of a situation like that because nobody likes it.

Surviving the actual sacking and getting what you think is fair... is one crisis over, but next comes the longer process of recovery.

The next six weeks were awful. You feel angry, shocked, depressed and miserable and you doubt yourself; it’s very upsetting being rejected. And I missed the place; you’ve lost something and you have to mourn. It takes time and you need to be easy on yourself and go at your own pace. At first I couldn’t look people in the eye. I was ashamed. But when I started telling others about what had happened. I found that lots of people had been in a similar position. That helped me cope. In my field of work these things usually happen because your face doesn’t fit, not because of incompetence.

After that I felt a sense of relief. It was summer and I was free. I had time to think out what I wanted to do next. And I told myself I was good. I had existed before and during the sacking and I was going to go on afterwards. So I thought of other ways of operating.

So, I did find another job of my interest and it was good for me. I got my confidence back. I hadn’t fallen off the edge of the world after all and I could keep plugging away. Also, I realized, I felt happier working in a big organization, so, after about a year, a well-paid job in a large firm was molding me positively.

After a half-hour-listening to this man, I felt embarrassed for what I'm thinking about...I thought the reversed otherwise.

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Strategies in Getting Rich #PersonalStory

A suggestion from my OFW friend who happened to be the most extravagant person in the world, negatively, a "nothing-to-prove" person but with guts to talk really big.


It isn’t easy to make a fortune the old-fashioned way, no matter what you’ve heard.

It means learning a trade, then slogging your way up the corporate ladder from cleaner to messenger to vice president, and so on. Nor is it any easier getting a bright idea and starting a business. Bright ideas by themselves are worth nothing.

Even if the idea is brilliant – like making small cars with giant rubber bumpers to reduce the danger and severity of accidents on the highways – it is a long road between conception and making a fortune.

So, why not make your fortune the easy way, by osmosis? No having to develop real estate, or drill for oil, or trade options – all those things you don’t have the foggiest notion about. All you have to do is sidle up to a proper billionaire, and “presto transfuso” you will make a fortune by osmosis.

Here’s how:

1) Selecting the Target: Identifying your target billionaire is the first order of business. This is complicated by the fact that many billionaires and millionaires are protected by phalanxes of secretaries and yes-men who guard them with their lives. You will have to get your billionaire on the outside, either when he leaves the office or when he is on vacation. There he is now. He is the little gentleman sitting in the back of the stretch limousine talking through a speakerphone to his driver, Simeon. He is telling Simeon that he wants to stop for a moment at a particular shop. It is now that you have to strike.

2) Positioning Yourself to Osmosis: The billionaire instructs Simeon to pull up in front of the boutique displaying the purple pongee polo outfit. You must move quickly. As soon as his car slows, you begin strolling in the direction of the boutique. As the billionaire walks up to the window, you move in close, right next to him. You can feel the heat from his cashmere hand-tailored jacket and the warmth from his Caribbean tan. He’s the genuine article alright, maybe $100,000 or $500,000 million or 900,000,000.00 Euros, etc. A big one. He’ll never miss a small fortune. Even his accountants won’t notice anything awry for a month or so. Gently, ever so gently, you bring your arm in contact with his. Not so he thinks you are strange or fruity, but just as if you are another interested party, a man of similar tastes and breeding who is also into purple polo outfits. There, you can feel it now, the sudden surge of power as hundreds of thousands of dollars course between the billionaire and yourself. It is a heady experience, and for a moment, you may feel flushed, as if you have earned it all yourself. Not to worry. You have not. You are still the same person you were, only richer as the moments go by.

When you think you have reached your goal – in this case a modest to large fortune – disengage from the billionaire just as smoothly and discreetly as you began, and move toward the curb. You will find a car and driver waiting for you. Your own car. Not as large or fine as the billionaire’s – maybe it’s a Mercedes and he has a Rolls – but a car and driver nevertheless, befitting your new station in life. Get in and say “Home Mike.” Perhaps when you run your stake into tens of billions, you can have a driver named Michaelangelo; but for now, it’s Mike.

In the second instance, you spot your billionaire while he is on vacation. Though your accommodations may be quite different – he has a penthouse suite, you have a modest single overlooking the parking lot – there are places at the Caribbean you have in common. The Rendezvous bar, for example – the one by the pool with thatched roof and the fantastic pina coladas. It is five in the afternoon, and the billionaire has left his yacht and is sitting at the bar with his two well-groomed blondes in attendance. Fortunately, the blondes are both parked to his left. You take the seat to his right and order a yellow bird. His ears perk up at the mention, and he wonders what a yellow bird is. When the drink arrives, the billionaire looks up.
“Excuse me,” he says, “but what is a yellow bird?”

“Try it,” you say. “It’s pineapple juice and 12 different kinds of exotic rums.”

You proffer your drink, as if to say, “Here, taste. Don’t be frightened.” Skeptical at first, the billionaire finally succumbs to his curiosity and reaches for the drink. It is at this moment that osmosis takes over. As the billionaire’s lips touch the glass and he drains some golden liquid from it, large blocks of stock from both the New York and American exchanges somehow are transferred to the glass and find their way to your account. They are not even on margin.

When you return home, you will be greeted with new respect by your broker. But for now, it will suffice that your room has been changed to ocean-view 12, and that an attractive brunette at the end of the bar is batting her eyes at you.

Making a fortune through osmosis is as easy as that. And now that you have the hang of it, you can meet billionaires and millionaires on vacation, in fancy restaurants, and at the club. In fact, that is why most people on their way up join clubs – so they can sidle up to other billionaires and continue to augment their fortunes. It is the American way? A Filipino way? Or, a worldwide phenomena? I suppose.

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Remembering Fashion Show Models #PersonalStory

I remembered my best friend the other day. She’s the most beautiful lady I’ve ever mingled with during my college days. She told me about what she felt while attending a fashion show – in a ringside seat. Read her musing, by way of “pouting your lips while reading.”


My trying-hard female friend’s musing about the fashion show and its models.

For a minute I thought the models had lost out. Or maybe I was facing the wrong way. The huge blot of passionate pink behind me deserved a second look, if not a few hundred more. Her dress, if I may refer to it in passing, was a magnificent monstrosity of ruffles, beads, ruches and stitches; her face a palette from one of Van Gogh’s particularly crazed moods.

Or should I turn my chair East, and face the multicolored splendor of “Pity-ya”? (Apologies to Michelangelo).

The 48-degree angle was also nice. Apart from the slight discomfort, owing to half-sitting on my neighbor’s lap. I would enjoy looking at the lady with white skin.

Or should I…

“Could you, for God’s sake, sit still lady?”

“I’m so sorry,” I say sweetly, “but I thought this was the real show.”


What is it about attending a fashion show that makes all of us declare war on sense and sobriety? As if attending a voodoo session, we dress and do up our faces to look like creatures possessed, who will any minute begin to writhe on the floor and roll their eyes to some throbbing mumbo-jumbo, as if to exorcise the little green monsters in the head. Thank God for the smudge-proof mascara, moisturizing eye shadow, and long-lasting lipstick. What would we do without these small mercies in life?

The thought of other women on stage, beautiful, lissome, with never-ending legs, dressed in exotic clothes, like rare birds of paradise fluttering provocatively on glossy branches, seems to rob us of all objectivity. Instead of being mere spectators to an event, we try to become the objects of attention ourselves.

There is nothing wrong with dressing to kill; it’s a happy death indeed that comes from the lethal arsenal of good looks combined with good taste. But when a public appearance becomes an occasion to plume one’s insecurities, the brighter the better, taste goes for a toss.

There is no point in envying the models on stage; it’s their business to look good, they are there because they look good. So, how about sitting back, relaxing, and enjoying the show, instead of being in a constant state of anxiety whether anybody is looking at you or not?

Each woman has her own kind of appeal, and while it may not be the kind to set the sky on fire, it’s not going to work for her either, if she hollers the battle cry and dons war-paint every time another beautiful woman is around.

The idea is not to simply draw attention, that’s the easiest bait for anybody to bite, but to draw the right kind of attention, and that can be achieved by an honest appraisal of your looks, the suitability of certain fashions for your body, and a healthy dose of self-esteem.

And there are times when it is infinitely more pleasurable to put your feet up, give up the unequal struggle and enjoy a chance to see rather than be seen.

Like they say, if you can’t join them, dear readers, give them a big hand.

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